On December 21, 1970, Elvis Presley paid a visit to President Richard M. Nixon at the White House in Washington, D.C. The meeting was initiated by Presley, who wrote Nixon a six-page letter requesting a visit with the President and suggesting that he be made a "Federal Agent-at-Large" in the Bureau of Narcotics and Dangerous Drugs.

What the history books won't teach you is that Richard Milhaus Nixon and ya boi Elvis went on a voyage through the great and terrible American west. Elvis was battling a serious case of DTs, which he countered with a harmless combination of powdered psilocybin mushrooms and ketamine--a combination of drugs that led him to commune with a jorts-wearing Sasquatch that only he could see.

The P.S. DTF is on a special mission, and want to let America's youth know: we know what you damn kids are up to at your Rentable Car Race. We will stop the drug menace. We will ensure that the drugs stay out of our nation's nostrils and bloodstreams by any means necessary. We will intervene to ensure that the drugs are disposed of by our special highly trained Drug Disposal Team. All the drugs we can find.

Help us find the drugs. We will even pay you to help us find the drugs and give them to us.