Mr. Squeezebox (Phil)
//2019
Took my baby to the local disco, I was jumpin' like a maniac
But then the owner came and pulled me off the floor
Then he, he took me to his little office in the back
He said, "I really like your snaggletooth necklace
Your pants are groovy, and your hair's okay
But, man, that car of yours is so uncool
Like wow, I'm sorry, but we towed it away!"
//2018
Making sure you are racing safely as you safely race. Are you properly protected? Do you have protection? The sun is harsh and the language harsher, and we just want to make sure you have a good time. Safely.
//2017
Defender of the well defended, protector of the easily protected, and savior of those not in danger, it's #NOTALLMAN!
//2016
hic. Ready to hic cut into some patients, hic. Imna good surgery now!
//2015
Commanding commander in the cheese jihaad. Declaring fatwas on good taste, and generally being racially sensitive and not upsetting people in the military by climbing into their helicopters at all.
//2014
Frenetically cramming more gigahertz in your megabits since 1983! ...Which sounds like a sex joke, but it's not. I'm actually going to increase the frequency at which your megabits are processed. Because in a communication protocol, that means I'm increasing your transmission speed, and an increased bitrate, as you know, means faster connectivity!
Also, dicks. Heh. Heh.