VISION STATEMENT

The vision of the United States Secret Service is to uphold the tradition of excellence in its investigative and protective mission through a dedicated, highly-trained, diverse, partner-oriented workforce that employs progressive technology and promotes professionalism. Unfortunately this band of renegades only wants to uphold the sweater puppies of casual Colombian encounters and razor blade scratched mirrors dusted with the finest processed Coca plants Latin America can offer. Their vision has since been blurred upon returning to domestic soil, but their mission remains the same.

MISSION STATEMENT

The mission of the United States Secret Service is to safeguard the nation's financial infrastructure and payment systems to preserve the integrity of the economy, and to protect national leaders, visiting heads of state and government, designated sites and National Special Security Events. Regrettably, members of Not So Secretly Serviced failed to ante up into the Colombian economy and made national news. Undaunted, they continue their sexual conquests on domestic soil through the use of egg cannons, fireworks and baking supplies to beat members of an elitist group of car rally entrants on the weekend of June 23rd. Led by our fearless, monkey suited leader, the agents of Not So Secretly Serviced look forward to continuing our sex, alcohol and drug fueled rage through the Central Valley and Sierra Nevada mountains of California.

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